Chapter 337: His Vulnerable Side

{Music recommendation; Wrecking ball by Midnite String Quartet}

Entering the tent, Samantha halted when her lithe figure nearly collided with the bigger ones of Ivan. She met his eyes, but he was quick to avert his gaze. Samantha opened her mouth to say something when he walked past her, dismissing whatever request he was sure she would spill again, but he had barely made it out of the tent when his body automatically froze, and his cold eyes widened momentarily.

"Don’t go." Samantha’s hold around his waist tightened. She had embraced him before he could take another step out of the coziness of their tent. "Don’t ignore me like this. I know you’re upset with me, I... I understand why but I’d rather have you yell at me than not speak to me at all. Can we not act like this? I’ve missed you too much to be getting this type of treatment."

Her pleading voice made Ivan lower his guard, and he stopped resisting her embrace. Deep down, a part of him hoped she would stop him from leaving, and when she hugged him from behind, whatever anger he felt he had vanished like he never even felt them, and what took over was a sense of guilt, realizing his actions towards her had been inappropriate.

"I’m not ignoring you." He answered with a sigh, "I’m ignoring whatever attempts you’ve come up with to make me accept your request."

"I promise I have no such intentions in mind." Samantha waved her hands in gesture after releasing him. He turned around to look at the woman who was being genuinely honest. "I wanted to apologize for saying those things to you. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings I... I was only terrified of the future. Even so I know I should have held myself, you and I, we’re going through a lot already and I was being a fool for suggesting something like that to you. I’m so–"

And he sealed her apology with a kiss, involuntarily lighting up her soul with his unanticipated move.

Samantha’s pupils dilated when he pressed his cool lips against her presently chapped ones, and her heart sped uncontrollably, like they were going to burst out of her chest into tiny love fragments. His kiss, however, gave off a different vibe– expressing words he could not say, but wanted her to taste. Samantha closed her eyes, relishing on the sweet, softness of his lips, and the familiar scent of him consumed her mind.

"I’m sorry too." He apologized after pulling away, but not far enough for her to call it a distance. "I overreacted. I shouldn’t have left you like that, and it was wrong of me. You were scared, your feelings were justified, I failed to understand what you were going through and I should have known better."

Samantha shook her head at his sincere apology, gently cupping his face with her palm. "I wouldn’t have understood how my request burdened you if I hadn’t seen the tears in your eyes." She murmured with a hint of surprise in her voice, as if the sight of his teary eyes still left her dazed till now, and she noticed how Ivan’s eyes snapped wide at her observation.

"Why do you hide your tears from me?" She asked seriously, suddenly coming to the conclusion that she has never once seen him shed a tear. "While I kept crying all day like some annoying child, I was oblivious to the ones you were bottling in just so you could comfort me. That isn’t fair to you at all."

"I... don’t shed tears."

"You don’t, or is it that you force yourself not to?" Samantha corrected, refusing to believe such absurdity. As far as she knows, everyone has feelings, and sometimes these feelings can evoke tears, regardless of if one is happy or sad.

"I was brought up like that." Ivan’s gaze flickered with vulnerability at her persistence, his voice faltering.

"Shedding tears as a male was considered a shame, especially for a vampire who isn’t even meant to have feelings. Then imagine the bigger shame it is for someone of royalty. I grew up with that mentality, so I trained myself not to give in to my weaknesses. The last time I broke the rule, I had Alistair to cover up for me... he was the only one who... saw nothing wrong in it. He was... different."

There was a look of regret in his eyes, and Samantha understood that he was still struggling to overcome the loss of someone who had been an older brother to him. From the previous times they were together with Alistair, she hadn’t noticed it, but now that she thought about it, when it came to Tobias and Alistair, Ivan had a closer relationship with Alistair than he did with Tobias. They argued more, teased each other more often than they did with Tobias.

"You did your best."

"I did nothing." Ivan shook his head dejectedly, and he sank down on the chair close to the table, "all I did was watch him get killed, Sam. I had no idea what to do at that point, he had Alistair cornered in ways that no matter what tactics I try to come up with, he could see right through them. He was slowly ending him, I felt helpless and..."

"You don’t have to explain anything to me," Sitting on his lap, Samantha embraced him while trying to control her rising emotions. "I know you did your best, it wasn’t your fault at all. He had come to me, I placed him in that position, not you."

"It was all me. I said something to him out of anger and he decided to fulfill it." He explained, and the tone of his voice weakly dropped.

"I couldn’t even save his body."

"Ivan?" Samantha’s body froze when she felt something wet stain the top of her dress. Looking down, she could see Ivan’s head resting on her bosom, but this time around, the tears he constantly fought to restrain flowed freely from his closed eyes, soaking his long dark lashes.

He looked so harmless in this state! For the first time Samantha felt like he was the one who needed protection and not her. Does she look this vulnerable in tears and still maintain her good-looks? She doubted it.

His hold around her waist tightened, and he requested.

"Can we stay like this for a moment longer, please?" His voice was barely audible, it sounded like a whisper laced with longings he had long buried, and Samantha could only nod her head, as if she was ready to offer him whatever he asked. They remained that way, in each other’s hold, and Samantha could no longer contain her emotions, whilst the tears flowed freely from her eyes.

His reaction to her earlier request no longer surprised her. If he was still broken from losing Alistair, what would happen to him if he lost her as well?

How could she have told someone who prioritized her existence more than anyone else to end her life?

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by Aunomay Read