Chapter 13: 13

Ayla POV

I ran to see dad. I could never express how overwhelmed I feel whenever I see him looking at me with those affectionate eyes. It is magical. I can’t see what others think, but I feel as if it’s been ages since I didn’t see him. Maybe it is related to my memory loss and my heart is making up for it like this.

"Dad", I went near him and called him, entering my head in that small window of the door.

"You will be hurt. Come inside", he said while I sat in the seat beside him.

He caressed my hair and asked, "How’s your day at school?"

"Oh, it was all good", I said.

"You didn’t get bullied, right?" he asked.

I shake my head as no but how could I even say no one even said hi to me let alone bully?

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"Oh, I met Brother James’s cousin", I said while Jace and he too entered.

"James, you have, cousin?" Jace asked.

"Ah Yeah", he kind of sounded unhappy. I may think of useless stuff again.

"Ok, so tell your cousin to take care of this brat. Who knows what will happen to her if no one looks up to her", Jace again teased.

We talked a lot on our way but when we reached home, I quickly ran inside my room. I couldn’t shake the stuffy feelings inside me. I do not know what is going on with me, but whenever I see the worry in their eyes, I feel the scariness inside me telling me this is all fake.

I feel as if someone is whispering in my ears or just warning me.

I covered my ears but suddenly I felt warm the way Aaron touched me at that time. I kept remembering the face which is telling me not to worry, that lip telling me to take a deep breath. I again lost myself in those feelings until I heard a knock on my door.

"Ayla" was mom’s voice.

"Yes mom", I answered as she came inside my room.

"What is taking you so late?" she asked.

"I’m just taking a rest", I replied.

I was lying on the bed when she too sat beside me, making me confused.

"Didn’t you come here to call me for evening snacks?" I asked.

"Ah Yeah", she looked away.

She didn’t say anything for a while but then all of sudden she asked, "Do you hate me?"

I got up from bed in a hurry.

"What made you ask this?" I asked.

"No, just asking", she tried to change the topic.

"I don’t even know if I hate you or love you." She looked at me with shocked eyes.

"I know it may sound weird, but I just don’t feel anything from you. All I talk about here at home is dad and Jace. I never got to speak my heart, but if you want me to say then I will say it. I feel nothing from you because you never made me feel that way", I said with a smile when I felt an ache in my heart as if something was coming back to me.

It’s as if this already happened long ago, but I have forgotten.

She didn’t move an inch, so I went out of my room where Jace and dad were watching TV.

I walked near them and stood in front of them.

"Dad"

"Tell me what I forget?" I’m dying to know.

"Forget? Did you tell me something to remind you?" he asked.

"No, I’m talking about my memory. I’m talking about memories which I do not know", I said, but both of them stayed silent.

"Baby, it is nothing important. I may forget to tell you, but your leg slipped from the stairs that caused the incident and you forget things", Dad explained, but I’m not convinced.

I still act like I understand and am about to walk away when he asks, "Why are you asking me all of sudden?"

"Nothing, mom only asked me something so I thought maybe that is related to what I forget", I smiled and left the place.

My room is pretty much soundproof so I do not know what happened after that. I walked toward my study table where I found a note in the drawer. That was pretty much a diary. Did I write this? I may be, but what I know is I was never fond of maintaining a diary. Still, my fingers went on their own and continued flipping pages.

I didn’t read the entire thing but on the page, I tried to read something which blew my mind.

Aug 27

I am writing this to myself.

What should I write next? Yeah, my inner feelings.

I went to my new school. It has been one month since I continued school but every time I enter my classroom I see a face which always makes me feel tingle all over my body. Every time I look into the eyes, I feel as if I’m going deep inside an ocean. It’s deep while his existence is no joke, but soon I came to realize he is nothing but an empty shell. But again today I met a person in the infirmary. He said someone brought me to the infirmary, and he had panic in his eyes, but when I looked at the person who was telling me this, I wanted to imagine he is the one who may be brought here. And maybe the panic guy is him. But it was all in my imagination.

At that time I felt he was my first love. I didn’t have the sensation that people describe but yeah; I want to believe he is one I fell for even though the sensation I have for the empty guy in my class.

Soon the nurse came and told me his name was JAMES LEE.

I came to reality reading his name in my diary. Is he James Lee who is my teacher as well? Now when I’m thinking I sure had the vision where I saw him through a curtain. Is he the person who made me fall for him?

I can’t believe it. He has been with me for months now. I’m roaming around him as if he were a rat. But why did he lie then? Here it was said I met him for the first time in the infirmary, then why did he lie? Is it knowing I have feelings for him? I don’t know if everything is so confusing.

"Ayla, James is here to teach you", Jace said as he entered my room. I hurried and hid the diary in the drawer before he could see it.

"What are you hiding, Rat?" he asked.

"Ah nothing", I replied.

"Then why are you sweating as if you made a mistake?"

"It’s just too hot here", I tried to look away but he suddenly placed his palm on my forehead.

"Do you have a fever? Your forehead is warm", he said while I pushed him in an instant.

"Ahh I don’t have a fever so don’t touch me", I said.

"You’re still a kid. Why are you thinking about these things? I will never have those feelings for you so you can rest assured" when he said I felt hurt. I know the one who had feelings for him was my forgotten self but it kind of hurts hearing him say he will never fall for me.

I looked away and started doing my study but all of sudden a dark foam covered my eyes.

"What is it?" I mumbled.

I couldn’t even see James anymore, but suddenly, I found myself in a forest. I was hiding behind a tree while, even without my knowledge, tears kept flowing out of my eyes. My heart is in lots of pain which I couldn’t even describe.

"Why is it?" I bit my lips but suddenly a hand covered my eyes. Soon I couldn’t hear anything. I couldn’t see anything, but still, my heart is at peace. My feelings are stable, but again when the hand vanished, my heart started aching.

I turned back to find the person but I found my brother. His back was facing toward me. I kept moving forward. I tried to call out his name but my voice didn’t come out. My feet kept going forward but the more I went forward the more stuffy I felt.

Suddenly, I saw a pair of brown eyes. That’s when my leg gave up. I do not know, but the sensation I’m feeling throughout my entire body was not anxiety but fear. Yeah, that person is related to my fear, which scared the shit out of me.

I closed my eyes but the other moment when I opened my eyes again I found myself in bed covered in sweat. It is already dark, making me remember it was all dreams. No, it was a terrible nightmare which I never want to experience again.

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by Aunomay