Chapter 18: 18

I opened my eyes. I didn’t get to sleep the entire night. No matter how I tried, my heart kept beating fast, making me feel the anxiety growing inside me. I kept thinking about his message. Somehow I know he will reject me for sure or why would he even avoid me for so freaking days? I know this is going to happen.

"Ayla, why are you rolling so much?" Yona is still asleep.

"Oh sorry, I don’t feel sleepy. You sleep. I will go to the living room", I said and patted her head so that it wouldn’t disturb her sleep.

I walked downstairs and went straight to the kitchen. I’m craving sweets. My mouth is getting watery even though I’m not hungry.

"Where is chocolate?" I thought and started searching on the shelf.

But I cannot reach the upper shelf. I kept looking everywhere, then I found a stool, so I tried to find it but before I could get the container of chocolate cookies, another hand grabbed the box. I turned to see. It was dad. I felt awkward. As we never talked much after that. And whenever we find each other like this, it feels even more awkward than before.

"Here, take it. Don’t climb again as it’s high and you will fall if the stool moves", he said.

"Oh thanks", I said and went to the couch. I could feel his presence behind me, but I didn’t say anything. Even if I ask, I don’t have any topic to describe, so it is useless.

"Aren’t you going to your room?" he asked, making me startled.

"No, I’m not sleeping and she won’t be able to sleep if I struggle so", I explained.

He came closer to me.

"Should I tell her if it is uncomfortable for you?" that’s when I snap, even though I’m barely controlling my anger. It is me who is walking on thin ice and when it melts, I can’t guarantee what I’m going to do.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I’m only asking if you are uncomfortable in case", he looked away.

"I don’t understand what you want me to do."

"Are you asking me if I’m uncomfortable? But why does it sound as if you are telling me she is uncomfortable, so you want to change her room?" I said it.

"What are you saying?"

"Of course, it sounds like this. From the very first day when you came to know she is coming, all are telling me if I’m uncomfortable we can change the room as if I’m a guest in this place and the real daughter is returning home and you guys don’t want to make her feel bad nor you want to make me feel bad." I said it. Yeah, these are my genuine feelings, but I never expect that I will say this one day at midnight complaining about my stupid feelings.

"Dad, tell me what do you want me to do?"

"Do you want me to change rooms?"

"If you do, then I will change gladly, but I don’t want you to say this to me at midnight as if I’m an outsider. It makes me feel bad, which I couldn’t even tell you. I hope you consider my feelings, too." I said while he still stood there like a statue.

I’m finally getting sleep because of the amount of stress I felt in a minute. I thought of turning toward him but the thought of me melting seeing his face stopped me. Yeah if I get weak then the next attack will be too much for me and I have no idea if I could endure the feeling.

"Ayla", I took my steps forward but when he called me I stopped.

I don’t know what he is going to say next but soon his hands wrapped around me patting my head.

"No matter what happens you will always be my daughter." He kissed my forehead.

I don’t have any idea what is the meaning of his words but for a minute I felt safe. He held me for a long time, then I returned to my room and fell asleep in an instant.

At morning

I slowly tried to open my eyes but my eyelids felt damn heavy to me. Why my entire body is hard to move? Ahh, I’m in pain.

"Ayla", I heard a low voice.

That voice touched my forehead, making me freeze.

"Ah cold", I shiver.

"Ayla, you have a fever?" It sure was Yona.

"I don’t know", my voice was low as well.

I don’t know what she said afterwards, but when I felt better, I found a wet cloth above my head.

Water kept making my forehead cool but I remembered his message. Yeah, I told him I will meet him after school. No, I can’t lay here. I have to move and reach there.

I got up from bed while Yona stopped me.

"What are you doing? The fever still didn’t go down. You will fall if you don’t listen to me", she said, but she is still giving my body enough support to walk.

"No, I have to move. I have something urgent to do." I said.

"Tell me what is urgent, I will do it", she said, but I didn’t say.

I went downstairs, where I saw Jace coming from school, making me scared.

"Brother, your classes finished?" I asked in a panic tone.

"Ah yeah, it all finished", he said while I was looking everywhere in a panic.

"I have to go", I said and was about to move when he held my hand.

"Wait, I will take you", he said.

"But-

I stopped.

"I know where you want to go", he said and carried me on his back.

This is the first time I saw him driving a car ever in my entire life. He made me sit in the front seat and drove the car to the destination of which I was unaware.

"Where are you taking me?" still I asked.

"Aren’t you going to meet James?" he asked, making me startled.

"How? You?" I asked.

"I know", he only said this much while we stopped in front of a place which was quite wide and huge.

"Is it?"

"Yeah, it’s his home", he said and dialled his number, making him run out of the house in a panic.

He is full of sweat and he is wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Sweats kept dripping through his hair, making my eyes focus only on him.

"Go, and talk", Jace pushed me forward, but I feel as if I’m doing a crime. I can’t believe my brother is sending me to the one I like. I don’t know how much he knows or what is going on in his mind, but it looks scary to me. My heart kept beating louder as if something bad was going to happen to me, but I want to ignore it with all my heart.

"What are you doing here?" James kind of raised his voice.

"Aren’t we talking after school?" I said.

"For god’s sake, Ayla are you dumb?" he said, making me feel a dumb.

"I told you to meet me after school but if you are not feeling well it can be done later too. Health comes first", he said while I was smiling and looking at him.

"Why are you smiling?"

"You are caring for me so I’m just too happy."

"I’m not joking", he said.

"Yeah I know", I said and waited for him to reply.

He took a long pause. I could even hear the birds chirping. It was so calm so everything was so clear and smooth. I’m waiting for him to tell me the answer.

"So"

"So?" I added after him.

He scratched his head.

"So I finally decided what to tell you", he said.

"You wanted me to be your boyfriend, right?" he asked while I nodded. My patience is limited now but I’m still waiting.

"So yeah, I will be your boyfriend", he said.

"Oh, I expected you would say no", I almost said, but then I realized what he just said.

"What?" we both said at the same time.

"Did you just say you will be my boyfriend?" I almost shouted.

"Oh yeah", he looked away.

I’m with no words. I’m in a dilemma what to say after this? Should I say I love him? Should I ask if he loves me? Should I? Ah, Ayla, you are going crazy. My thinking is a mess but still, I couldn’t say this is the happiness I desired. Yeah, this was never what I thought I would feel. I’m having mixed feelings about this. Some part of my heart is happy as if someone gave me the toffee I desired but still there is a space in my heart that keeps growing larger making me realize no this is not what you thought of.

Still, I hugged him. How could I even not or he would think I was only pranking him? But again the empty feel grew harder. He didn’t hug me back. He didn’t even touch me, making me feel even this close.

What’s happening?

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by Aunomay