Chapter 39: 39

"I’m here so don’t be scared", Xenon whispered in my ear.

It was so soothing as if he was singing a lullaby for me.

But when did he wake up? He was snoring when I came out.

"Weren’t you sleeping?" I asked while tightening up my grab around him.

"Yeah I was", he replied.

"Then why are you here?" I asked.

"Umm maybe I missed you in my sleep", he chuckled as well as I.

"That was a nice joke from you Mr Carter", I laughed.

"What if it is true?"

"I know it won’t be you know the reason", I stayed silent.

"I still know what will happen if it turns out to be the truth", he asked.

"Then may you won’t find me in your arms anymore", I said while making the entire place silent.

The silence sure is scaring me which I couldn’t describe. I have no idea why he asked me this question when I think I needed to ask this. I did ask him and got the reply too.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"Nothing", I really have nothing on my mind maybe for the first time.

"Let’s go to the room", he said while he was holding on to me like a baby.

I have no idea how much he heard while I was on call but whatever he heard and made him behave like this toward me was indeed nothing but sympathy. He is too sympathetic to me but if it’s him I will be glad if he can be this loving to me.

As soon as we walked to his room he gently placed me on his bed caressing my face as if he was making me feel the secure feelings which I deserve. It’s like home as if he wants to shelter me.

"Could you tell me now?" he asked, which I was expecting.

"You know the clause right?"

"Yeah I know and I still will ask if it means we have to break the contract?"

I was stunned.

"You don’t want to continue this?" I asked.

"I said if you want to share and then if you want to break the contract I will agree with you. And that is only if you want....."

He trailed his finger on my neck.

"So how much did you hear?" I asked.

"Adoption?"

Yeah, that’s the perfect place to start.

"I don’t even know if I’m their real daughter or not?" I said while we are both facing the opposite side.

"What do you mean?" his voice was low.

"As you heard I was talking with someone so she is my cousin who is staying at our home.

She is the one who said she saw adoption papers in my dad’s confidential room and if it’s in a confidential room then it sure is something he doesn’t want anyone to know."

I stayed silent.

"Did you talk to him?" he asked.

"Ha talk? Is there anything to talk about in the first place? I don’t think so.

Every time I get the feeling as if I’m the black sheep in their family I feel so hurt and it’s not like I didn’t talk with him but I asked him so many times indirectly and this time he said not to take the topic even though I already have proof."

I was on the verge of crying but soon he came and wrapped a sheet around me. He even held me tightly above the sheet as if he knew what I was feeling.

"You don’t need to worry about my stuff", I controlled my tears and this must be the first time I acted the way he usually acts with me even though I don’t want to do this.

"Are you purposely repeating whatever I said?" he asked.

"What do you mean ?"

"You clearly know what I mean so don’t act like you don’t understand", he said.

"I really don’t understand,’’ I replied.

"You don’t? Then why are you marking a line between us just like the way once I did? Or you taking revenge from me?" He looked straight into my eyes as if he was trying to hypnotize me.

"I don’t know what you are saying?" I looked away.

"Don’t you dare look away from me", he held my face.

"Look at me and say you don’t know?"

"Look at me and say you are not purposely creating the line?"

"Look at me and say you don’t?"

His grip on me was the same place James held me warning me which is still hurting me till now.

"You are hurting me", I tried to bear.

"No, you are hurting me, Ayla."

"It’s you who keep doing it."

"I know what I did and it was once or twice but every time I tried to take my feet forward you made another line making it hard to cross. Tell me then who you are hurting? Is it me or you? Who is hurting whom?"

My heart aches.

I can’t bear it anymore even if I just burst.

"Why are you shouting at me?" I pushed him off the bed.

"Ha, why the hell are you shouting at me?"

"What right do you have on me to shout like this?"

"Tell me!!!!"

"Which right do you have on me?"

"What the hell are we?"

As I stop the place became silent again like before.

I have no idea whom I’m even shouting on? Is it him or is it myself?

"You clearly stated everything you want to in the contract then why are you blaming me when you are the one first to create the line? Or do you have a change of mind?" I said, making his eyes widen.

"You know what? You always come to me whenever you think of her but have ever tried to know my freaking feelings? Or did you even bother to ask what I want? Did you ask what my lover looked like? Did you ever ask why am I so crazy even after a year? No right? Then you freaking have no right to shout at me and ask for an answer from me."

"You have zero rights."

My tears kept on falling.

He is right in front of me but at a distance just like our hearts. It seems close yet so far. Our hearts kept on beating for someone who we haven’t met for so freaking long yet we just want to be with them but still in some corner of our hearts trying to be close to each other.

What the hell should I call this feeling?

Nothing.

"As you write the contract I think our contract is ending here now", I said and walked out of the room where he held my hand. His eyes filled with tears as if he was begging me to stop but my heart was in so much pain that I couldn’t even bear to hurt it anymore.

"You don’t have to stoop so slow."

"The Xenon I knew was full of attitude yet loving."

"He always laughs so don’t make him cry."

"It will hurt both of us if we don’t stop so please stop there or I might break."

I could feel the shattering sound inside me but it is hard to distinguish what kind of sound it is? Is it my heart breaking or is it Ayla who is breaking?

"No, please don’t go!!!"

"I beg you please don’t leave me", his tears kept on flowing out of his eyes making it hard to control myself.

"Don’t beg me", I removed his hand from mine.

"You are not wrong."

"I already know about these consequences but I thought it would be me to react the way you did but I didn’t know you wanted me more than me."

"I wish you could forgive me."

"Still the only thing I want to say before I leave is.....

"Yeah, you made me fall for you even for such a short time."

"I couldn’t describe who I love more than you or him but all I can say is you are also a part of me from now on and maybe I’m not built to be with you", I said and walked out of his place.

My tears didn’t stop. It kept on flowing. I purposely ignored seeing his face before I left but seeing his crying face hurt me even more. Is it what James said? Is it why he said not to go near Aaron? I don’t know but everything seems so heartbroken now.

"Why the hell do I have to feel that way?"

"Everything was so fine just hours ago then why?"

"Why did he have to be sober and listen to the conversation?"

"Why?"

I continued walking toward my place without knowing how far it was. It is already morning at 3 o’clock when I can’t even get a cab. I don’t have charge on my phone to call one.

Everything is so tragic.

Ring

"Coming"

I heard a voice from the other side.

"Who is it?" I can hear Jenny’s voice.

"Ayla"

It was her last word seeing me when I lost my consciousness.

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by Aunomay