Chapter 150: Making love in the fireplace (part 3)

Fighting to control the orgasm that was threatening to erupt, Neil moved slowly within her, but when she began moving with him, clutching him to her, his fragile restraint broke along with his desire to prolong the act. Seizing her mouth in a plundering kiss, he drove into her, forcing her faster and faster to the peak, driving her toward it, reveling in her muffled cry as she dug her nails into his back and began to shudder convulsively beneath him.

Lifting her hips higher and tighter to him, he thrust harder, driven by some uncontrollable need to be as deep within her as possible when he came. And then he exploded inside her with a force that tore a low groan from his throat, but still he kept moving, as if she could somehow empty him of the bitterness of his past and the uncertainty of his future.

The second climax erupted in a burst of sensation that screamed down his nerves ends, shook his entire body and left him weak and exhausted.

In a state of boneless exhaustion, Neil collapsed on top of her and shifted onto his side, still joined with her. Breathless from exertion, he held her in his arms, stroking her back soothingly, trying not to think of anything and clinging to his fading happiness as he fought to hold reality at bay, but after a few minutes, it was no use. Now that his passion was finally spent, there was no barrier between his brain and his conscience, and as he stared into the fireplace, he began to see all his actions and motives of the past few days in the light of glaring truth...

The truth was that he had taken Mia as a hostage at gunpoint, he had blackmailed her into believing he would let her go if she took him to his destination; he had threatened her with physical violence if she tried to escape, and when she defied him anyway, he forced her to kiss him in front of a witness, the truck driver, and unknowingly made it appear as if she was an accomplice. He’d ruined her image in the country; all for what? His selfish ego of feeling betrayed about her engagement...

Now he was starting to believe what his uncle had always thought of him. He was indeed a cold hearted man with no sense of forgiveness, with a big ego that was as large as a mountain! Having sex with a woman he knew he’d never give his heart nor his life was a proof of that.

The truth was that he had begun thinking about having sex with her the same day he’d taken her captive, and he had been campaigning for it using every means he had at hand from intimidation to kindness to flirtation. The sickening truth was that he’d just managed to achieve his final, loathsome goal of getting back at her for making him feel betrayed: He’d seduced his childhood sweetheart, who had grown into a lovely, spirited, innocent young woman who had also repaid all his cruelties and injustices by saving his life today.

Seduced was much too polite a word for what he’d just done, Neil decided with sick disgust as his gaze shifted to the carpet. He had taken her right here on the damned floor, not even in a bed!

Neil’s conscience clawed at him with a renewed anger for using her too roughly, for forcing her to take two climaxes from him, for burying himself all the way inside of her instead of using a little decent restraint. The fact that she hadn’t even cried out or struggled or given any sign of being either hurt or humiliated did nothing to ease his guilt.

However, she was so innocent she didn’t know she was entitled to more than what she’d gotten today, but he did. He might not had lived his life around women, but he’d had more sexual flings than he could begin to count with nameless women he’d pay. The entire responsibility for the mess he’d made of Mia’s entire life by making her appear as his accomplice, and now, her first encounter with sex, was solely and exclusively his.

And that was looking at the matter in an optimistic way, without considering the possibility of her getting pregnant for having an unprotected sex with him! He hadn’t thought about that possiblity a few minutes ago when he’d been too driven by his desires, but now that he did, he felt another rush of guilt consume him. He definitely wasn’t going to marry her, nor anybody, and if she were to get pregnant...

It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out that a woman like Mia who’d obviously lighten up at the mere mention of children would never consider having an abortion, so she’d either have to bear the public shame of having the baby of a convicted murderer, or foisting his child off on her fiance to father.

Neil had fully prepared himself to be shot to death within days, or even hours after he left the safety of this house. Now, he wished to the Heavens that he would have been caught before he ever got to meet Mia Harrison in Novaria again. Until he went to prison, he would never have considered involving Mia in his problems, let alone pointing a gun at her or getting her pregnant. In prison, he’d obviously become a sick sociopath without conscience nor morals.

Shooting, he now realized, was too good of a punishment for the monster he had become. He had ruined her life, he deserved to be killed mercilessly.

Neil was so involved with his own thoughts that it took all that time before it finally got to his brain that the woman he was holding in his arms was crying, and the dampness on his chest wasn’t his sweat, but her tears. Speechless with remorse, he quickly loosened his hold on her and let her lie back on the carpet, but she kept her hand curved round his shoulder in a death grip and her wet face pressed against his chest.

Leaning up on his elbow, he tried helplessly to comfort her by gently moving stray strands of gleaming hair from her damp cheek, while swallowing to ease the knot of regret in his throat. "Mia," he murmured softly, "If only I could undo all the wrongs I’ve inflicted upon you, I would. Until now, my actions were driven by dire circumstances... But this—" He paused, swallowing again, and awkwardly flicked a curl away from her temple.

With her face buried against his chest, he couldn’t judge her reaction, except for the fact that she had become completely motionless from the moment he began speaking. "But what I just did to you," he went on, "was utterly unforgivable. There may be reasons for it, but no justifications. Surely you’re not so naive as to believe that five years is a short time for a man to endure without..." Neil halted abruptly, realizing that he was compounding her hurt by implying that any woman would have sufficed to satisfy his prolonged sexual deprivation.

"That was not my motive tonight. It played a part, yes. But the primary reason was my longing for you ever since..." His words trailed off as self-revulsion surged up in his throat, rendering him unable to continue.

After a prolonged moment of silence, the woman in his arms finally spoke."Go on..." she said softly.

He tipped his chin down, trying to see her shadowy features, his brows drawing together in a puzzled frown. "Huh? Go on?" he repeated.

She nodded, her soft face brushing against his skin. "Yes. You were just getting to the good part."

"The good part?" he repeated again blankly.

She looked up at him and, although her eyes were still damp with tears, there was a winsome smile on her face that made Neil’s heart slam against his ribs.

"You got off to a very bad start," she whispered, "by saying you were sorry we did this. And you made it much worse by saying that I’m naive and then making it sound as if any woman would have suited you just fine after five years’ abstinence..." He gazed at her while relief began to pour through his entire body like a balm. He knew that he was getting off much too easily with his crime, but he seized his unexpected reprieve with the grateful desperation of a drowning man grabbing at a life preserver. "Did I say that?"

"Yeah, you did..." She smiled.

He grinned helplessly at her infectious smile. "How stupid of me then."

"Very," she agreed with sham indignation.

A minute ago, she’d had him in the grip of black despair, five minutes ago she had sent him into sexual paradise, now she made him feel like laughing again. Neil thought as he gazed down at the beautiful woman in his arms who’d been playing with his emotions.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Neil was aware that no woman had ever had this effect on him before, but he didn’t want to examine the explanation for it. For now, he was content to bask in the present and ignore what little future he had left. "Under the circumstances," he whispered, smiling as he brushed his knuckles over her cheek, "what should I have done and said?"

"Well, as you know, I don’t have much experience in moments like these—"

"No experience at all, in fact," he reminded her, suddenly and crazily pleased by that.

She glared up at him with a small pout. "But I have read hundreds of scenes like this in novels."

"This isn’t a novel, mi amor."

"True, but there are little

similarities." She argued.

"Then name one similarity," he teased, distracted by the sheer joy of her. To his astonishment, she brightened up, but there was a look of wonder in her eyes as they gazed deeply into his.

"One thing I know," she whispered, "the woman often feels the way I felt when you were inside of me."

"And how did you feel?" he asked because he couldn’t stop himself.

"I felt wanted," she said with a tiny break in her voice. "And needed.

Desperately needed. And very, very special. I felt...complete with you inside me."

Neil’s heart thightened with an emotion so intense that it made him ache."Then why were you crying?"

"Because sometimes beauty and happiness does that to me." She whispered softly.

Neil gazed into her glowing brown eyes, and he saw the kind of gentle beauty and unquenchable spirit that could almost make a man feel like crying. "Has anyone ever told you," he whispered huskily, "that you have the smile of an angel?"

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by Aunomay Read