Chapter 101: 99 | Familiar, Yet Distant

"What did you just say?" Blue asked.

Winter didn’t respond to his question immediately, infuriating Blue.

"What did you just fucking say?!" Blue increased the pitch of his voice.

"You heard me right." Winter spoke with a detached tone.

"Just- what- how could you say something so idiotic?! Are you insane? What the fuck do you take me for?" The more Blue spoke, the more angry he became.

"When did you start treating me like this? Is it because I like you? And I let you be with me that you think you have the right to look down on me and say nonsense about me?" Blue yelled into the phone.

"Stop it. Stop yelling at me. I’m not going to take it. I’m not going to stand here and make a fool of myself because I gave you the privilege to—"

"Privilege? What fucking privilege?? You know what? I’m not doing this with you anymore!" Blue spoke with a firm tone, the pitch of his voice now steady.

Winter took notes and implied them as he said, "Not doing what with me anymore?"

"Not fighting with you. Not trying to make you see things from my perspective. Not... being with you." Blue’s voice dropped down to a whisper.

"WHAT?" Winter exclaimed at the top of his lungs. "Why do you always do things like this? I thought you were levelheaded. Why do you keep rushing into conclusions!? Did I say I didn’t want to be with you?!"

"What exactly do the things you’ve been saying mean then? I’m unfaithful and seen to be slumming it up with Adonis? Or I’m a pretender and a faker? That I’m practically a slut? What does it mean??"

"Blue, I never said any of those things. You’re the one who’s saying them. I only asked you why you would do such a thing behind my back." Winter spoke calmly.

"Are you fucking trying to gaslight me right now?"

"No! I’m not! If anything, you’re the one who’s—" Winter cut himself off, refusing to complete his statement.

"No, continue. I’m the one who what?" Blue pressed.

"Nothing." Winter ground out through gritted teeth.

"I’m the one who what?!" Blue yelled.

"Nothing! Fuck, nothing! Stop trying to put words into my mouth for crying out loud!" Winter exploded, rooted to the spot he was standing as he gave up on pacing.

The line went silent for a few seconds. Blue used it to settle down on his bed, taking the time to catch his breath before he spoke up again.

"I think we should break up." Blue said after the long silence.

"You said—"

"I’m saying we should break up. This isn’t fun anymore." Blue’s voice was seriously composed, as though he wasn’t talking about breaking up with the person he was senselessly in love with.

"Not fun anymore? Blue, what are you talking about?" The grip Winter had on his phone was slowly slipping as his hand was trembling.

"Do I need to explain it to you? It’s clear that whatever we’re doing isn’t working out. We only fight and it’s not fun. I don’t have the energy to keep on fighting with you, then making peace, only to fight some more. I’m tired. Aren’t you tired?" Blue spoke with a soft voice.

"I’m sorry I said you—"

"Answer me. Aren’t you tired?" Blue refused to change the subject matter.

Winter inhaled deeply before saying, "I am, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like you anymore."

"Don’t pretend like you give a damn about me. I know you’re sick of me." Blue said with a detached tone. He didn’t even wait for Winter to say anything as he continued speaking.

"But it’s okay. Because I’m sick of you as well." Blue added, indirectly driving a dagger right into Winter’s heart.

"You’re sick of me?" Winter questioned with a pitiful tone.

"I’m sick of us." Blue clarified. "So, please, let’s just end this. I’m tired."

Winter didn’t say any word of affirmation or disagreement. Blue waited thirty seconds for Winter to say either.

Winter didn’t.

Blue had nothing else to say. He terminated the call and blocked Winter’s number right after. Then his back hit the bed and he grabbed onto the nearest pillow.

He placed it against his face and silently screamed into it. It was a short scream. A brief moment of weakness.

Blue stood upright and threw the pillow away. His entire face was red. He picked up his phone and went online. It wasn’t hard for him to stumble across the photos of him and Adonis online.

Everything Winter said to him only began to make sense after he read through the many articles written about him.

But knowing that maybe Winter may have not been at fault for exploding on him didn’t make Blue feel any better. He had been honest and said the truth to Winter—

He was tired.

Exhaustively so. Even if it wasn’t today, and even if it wasn’t because of the fake information about Adonis and himself, they still would have fought about something else another day. And their feelings towards each other wouldn’t have changed.

Though he loved Winter, he was tired. He wasn’t sure which feeling was overwhelming which. He just knew that he was feeling the two emotions.

After coming to that realization, Blue began to smell his pheromones in the air. Surprisingly, they had been leaking without his notice.

Blue’s hand instinctively reached to touch the back of his neck.

"Ack!" he exclaimed upon making contact with it.

That entire area was incredibly sensitive. How come he hadn’t noticed till this time? The sensation Blue was feeling at the back of his next was completely familiar, yet distant.

So distant that he had almost forgotten how it came to be.

His pheromone disorder.

After a long time of depending on Winter and never having to deal with the consequences of his illness, Blue had almost forgotten that he even had an illness. And that illness had been the main reason why he and Winter even got together.

It was strange.

Blue felt like it was just yesterday he was telling Winter about his pheromone disorder. How come time had distorted so rapidly? And cruelly, too?

Blue knew the answers to his own questions deep down.

He stood up from the bed and went over to look at the back of his neck on the standing mirror. He couldn’t see it. How familiar.

"Fuck." Blue cussed to himself.

Why did his body have to remind him that he truly actually needed Winter? Why couldn’t he just be able to live... without him?

Blue gritted his teeth, then he grabbed a jacket that was resting on the bed, wore it, and left the hotel room. His movements were hasty and unsteady.

His pheromones were still leaking as he went down the floor manually. If his memory served him right, there was a pharmacy right across the hotel he was staying.

He could get himself suppressants. In the back of his mind, he could hear a voice persuading him not to do what he was about to do. But he ignored it.

With a goal in mind, Blue was swift in action, getting himself together and going to the pharmacy. And right before his eyes, he saw what he had been restrained from using in the past two years.

Blue felt like he was exactly right back to where he started as he grabbed three bottles of suppressants and walked to the front desk. And just like last time, he had no one to blame but himself.

He purchased the suppressants and was walking back to the hotel. A few Alphas glanced his way suggestively. Blue pretended not to see them. He’d come a long way for sure, but had nothing to show for it.

He just wanted to sit in the corner of his room and wallow in sadness. And that was what he did when he managed to get back to his room after popping five to six suppressant pills into his mouth.

He rested his head against the wall as his hands were wrapped around his legs.

What was he going to do now? Why did he break up with Winter? Why didn’t Winter disagree with the breakup?

Winter had the strength to fight with him but not for him. Why?

Countless thoughts like that clouded Blue’s head as the suppressants began to take effect. Instead of feeling numb, Blue felt drowsy and uncomfortable.

It was as though the suppressants were doing the opposite of their work as Blue’s pheromones spread out even more of their own accord, causing a striking pain to the back of his neck.

Blue did not yell out loud or complain. This pain was a small thing in comparison to the things he’d experienced before, right?

He could handle it. Even though all he wanted to do was admit that he was in pain and have someone comfort him.

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by Aunomay Read