Chapter 63: 61 | Can’t Breathe

Blue could still remember his first heat cycle. In the week prior, his father, Preston Kent, had already informed him that he would find a way to ensure that his heat was handled efficiently.

At that time, Blue was still very much stupid and obedient to each and every of Preston’s words. The day came and Blue was led to the Heat Room.

Before stepping into the Heat Room, his father had told him, "Everything will be fine. This is for your own good. Do not fight it. Even if you do, no one will help you. Endure for a better future."

Blue had never been able to forget those words. This was because he had believed in them very deeply at the time; believed that his father had been working for his best interest.

Alas, only a second after stepping into the Heat Room, Blue had begun to doubt his father’s words as fear had crippled him.

Blue was never able to remember the exact scent of the first Alpha who marked him. In fact, Blue couldn’t even remember his name or his face. Much like the others after him.

Blue had conditioned his mind in such a way that the faces of the Alphas who had marked him were all blurry. And their names became white noise whenever he tried to recall them.

It was for the best anyways. Remembering their names and faces would never benefit him.

However, Blue could still remember their actions. Each and every one of them. Most especially the first.

The Alpha had given off such a gentle and caring aura at first, making Blue think that he had been indeed safe.

With soft words like, "I promise not to hurt you," Blue had been worn down by the first Alpha. In the moment that the Alpha had begun to release his pheromones, Blue realized he was not at all safe!

He could remember the feeling of suffocation after being surrounded by the first Alpha’s pheromones. It was as though the pheromones were working to trap him and render him paralyzed for all sorts of wicked things.

"I can’t breathe. Let me breathe, please. I can’t breathe."

Blue could still remember how he had recited those words like a prayer, hoping to be granted with them. What he got in response from the Alpha had been, "Relax. I’ll be gentle."

It was all pain afterwards.

The Alpha’s teeth had sunk into the sensitive part at the back of his neck and Blue had screamed with all his might in pain. He had begun to thrash about the place, screaming for help and praying that all that was happening to him would come to an end.

The screams had been muffled by the Alpha’s palm. The Alpha had held him tight in place, releasing strong pheromones that were able to paralyze Blue and render him motionless.

Even with that, the Alpha had still restrained Blue in every way he could. As he had imbued his pheromones into Blue’s body through his glands, Blue could remember himself visibly calming down.

The sense of fear and entrapment that he had felt before then seemed to have dispersed. Blue had even leaned back into Alpha, granting him a better access of his neck.

However, that was all his body. Blue’s thoughts never strayed from, "Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me," all through the entire process.

He never stopped hoping for it to end in his mind. But his body had been working towards a different want. After the marking, Blue had laid with the Alpha for several hours in a weakened and uselessly dependant state.

The Alpha had consoled him with words like, "Everything is fine now, isn’t it? You enjoyed it, didn’t you?"

Enjoyed.

It was an Alpha’s way of thinking to believe that all of their actions would automatically be enjoyable for an Omega. For what reason? What gave them the audacity to think that they were enjoyable?

What made them believe that they were superior?

Blue could feel Winter’s pheromones seeping into his skin. Not just from the glands at the back of his neck. He could feel them everywhere. Blue could feel Winter’s essence being injected into his veins.

’Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.’

That word was on repeat inside Blue’s head. But in reality, his actions didn’t show that he wanted Winter to stop kissing him and invading his entire being.

Blue’s body had turned docile and lewd; exactly like an Omega’s body was conditioned to be when intertwining with an Alpha. Blue couldn’t move past what he truly was.

It had always been this way.

No matter the type and amount of fights he’d put up to show that he wasn’t weak and deserved equal rights alongside Alphas, at the end of the day, an Omega would never be equal to an Alpha.

An Omega’s heart and body acted before their brains and determination. They would always give in before and during the fight for their lives. They would always be weak.

Most especially the Omegas like Blue. The ones who acted like they were superior. They were the ones who were most inferior, even to the people of their own gender.

Winter didn’t move past kissing Blue. Blue didn’t know the reason for this. Was it because he knew that any step further would result in arriving at a situation he wouldn’t be able to take back? Or was it because he knew that only kissing was needed to break Blue down to the point where he wanted him to be?

Winter’s pheromones were no longer aggressive and dominating. They transitioned into a soft and fluffy cloud of protection around Blue.

Blue didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at this turn of events. What was Winter even trying to play at?

What was the point of being aggressive sometimes, then being caring other times, then deceitful and conniving one moment, then cautious and consent-seeking another moment?

Blue was tired of Winter’s changing personas. So tired that all the strength he seemed to have lost from before came back at full force, driving him to bite down on Winter’s tongue and bottom lip at the same time. Hard enough to draw blood from the both of them.

Winter hissed and broke the kiss, staggering back in confusion and pain. He reached for his mouth and discovered that he was bleeding. The next course of action was to look at the cause of his current state.

That was when Winter realized that it had been Blue standing in front of him all this time. It had been Blue whom he had forcefully kissed and restrained all movements of.

It had been Blue whom he had once promised himself to savor and treat without recklessness. A heavy feeling of regret washed over Winter’s being as he looked at Blue.

Blue’s eyes were red with what seemed to be anger, pain, and sadness. His cheeks were stained with tears. His lips were swollen and his entire frame looked utterly weak and unstable.

Winter reached to touch Blue, but stopped on his tracks when he heard the words, "Don’t come any closer or I’ll kill you."

Blue’s voice was coated with toxic venom and thick hatred. His words didn’t even sound like a threat. They were much like a promise. And with the hard indecipherable expression on Blue’s face, Winter believed that Blue would follow through with the promise.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—"

"Don’t lie. Don’t fucking lie." Blue’s hands were squeezed tight as he said those words with his gaze fixed on the floor. His tone was not venomous this time.

Instead, his voice sounded weak and tired. As though he was even tired of speaking, as well as living.

Winter swallowed down the rest of his words. He couldn’t lie now. He had actually wanted to kiss Blue. Devour Blue completely, in fact. And heavens help him, Winter wasn’t apologetic for that fact.

He wasn’t sorry for wanting Blue and claiming Blue.

"I’m sorry for forcing you. You didn’t like it." Winter admitted aloud.

This was not him. Winter had always been the type to seek consent before going ahead to carry out depraved acts on people’s bodies. The people he’d been with in the past had always been willing. Even if they hadn’t all being in their normal states, the fact still stood that he hadn’t outrightly forced any of them to do as he pleased with them.

So why Blue? The one person that he had never wanted to treat badly and wanted to appreciate meticulously.

"I don’t- I don’t know what’s wrong with me." Winter said with his hand on his head, unable to grasp the fact that he had forced himself on Blue.

Why, goddammit!!? Why’d he have to do something like this? What the hell was truly wrong with him that could’ve prompted such a behavior from him?

"Don’t excuse your actions." Blue said with an exhausted tone, his back hitting the wall as he slowly slid down from it and landed on the floor in a sitting position.

Winter’s hand on his head slipped down his face as he covered it with his palm.

"You’re right. I have no excuse for what I’ve dond. I’m truly sorry. I shouldn’t have—"

"What now? Are you going to take responsibility for me or what?"

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Source: Webnovel.com, updated by Aunomay Read