Chapter 65: Iris: Doctor Williams

"SO, ARE we feeling today?" Dr William takes out his notepad, adjusts his glasses, and looks at me. My fingers tread down the zipper of my purse and I drop my gaze, avoiding eye contact with him.

Whythe fuck am I nervous about this?

"Umm, fine I guess," I mumble nervously gripping the zipper. There’s a momentary silence between him and me that makes me squirm in my seat with guilt.

"To be honest, I’m very nervous and a bit anxious," I reply honestly this time, still not able to meet his gaze.

He jots something in his little journal whilst I watch. It’s annoying because it feels like I’m being scaled and rated as if he’s deciding whether I’m worth his treatment or not. What’s even more annoying is the fact that I have to undergo his judgment for him to assist me.

"And what exactly is bothering you, Iris?"

Here goes nothing.

Taking a deep breath, I raise my head and look him in the eyes. "So, umm, it’s been like this for a couple of days now, but there’s a guy I like at work, and I want to tell him how I feel. But I’m scared to confess."

Slowly nodding at me, Williams leans on his desk. "What’s holding you back from expressing your feelings, Iris?"

I hesitate for a moment, wondering if the self-assessment I did yesterday using the guide he gave me was correct. "I don’t know what it is exactly, but I just don’t trust myself enough to agree with my heart. It feels as if I’m deceiving myself into liking him because he’s been good to me ever since we met. Plus, I’m not even sure if he feels the same way about me."

"Do you trust him?"

"Yes," I reply instantly, shocking the both of us.

"Well that was a quick reply," Williams smirks at me as my cheeks heat up. "Sounds to me like you’re struggling with trust issues and attachment concerns. Does this by any chance have something to do with your parents if you don’t mind me asking?"

Myparents?

"I—I don’t—," I pause for a moment. Doctor Williams is onto something here. "Maybe," I shrug. "I mean, they did give me a reason to not cling to people too much. In the end, when people are done with you they leave."

Williams jots something in his journal again before giving me his attention, sliding the book away from his elbows this time. I shuffle in my seat waiting for his words of wisdom and encouragement, but I’m met with a sympathetic expression on his face instead.

"Firstly, I’d like to start by saying I’m sorry you had to go through such a rough childhood. You didn’t deserve all that mistreatment you received as a kid."

Ah, damnit. I didn’tcomeheretogetallmyfeelingsonhighalertandcry.

"Thank you," I reply, my voice squeaky from the lump building in my throat.

"No problem, dear. It’s understandable why you’re struggling with trusting yourself and your decisions. You don’t want to be disappointed again, am I correct?"

I nod profusely at him, wiping the tears threatening to come out of my eyes.

Smiling gently at me, he stands and rounds his desk, sitting on the couch facing me as he extends his hands at me. "I want you to hold my hands when I say this."

I follow the instructions, already feeling his encouraging aura before he speaks.

Looking me directly in the eyes, Doctor Williams gives me a gentle smile. "Iris Morris, I want you to know and remember this for the rest of your life. You deserve to be loved and respected just like any other human being in this harsh world, and it’s okay to take risks and open yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt."

"It’s okay to be vulnerable because that’s the only way you’ll ever grow as a human and express yourself to the world and the people you love, like this guy at work you love."

Fighting the urge to cry my heart out, I squeeze his hands instead. "But what if I confess and he doesn’t feel the same way? What if I’m rejected and he chooses another girl over me?"

"That’s a risk, yes. A vulnerable one at that too, but Iris, you’re forgetting one important little detail."

"What is it?" I ask curiously.

"What if he does feel the same way about you? What if this is an opportunity for you to experience a healthy, loving, and caring relationship that’ll last for an entire lifetime? What if this is your chance to grow, to realize you are capable of loving and being loved, that you can get over the shit your parents put you through and lead a life you’ve always wanted, peacefully?"

Woah. Funny how I never took it the way Doctor Williams did.

As if the doors of possibilities that I couldn’t see a while ago opened before me, my heart immediately calms down. He is right, I’ve been so engrossed in whether my love for Lucas was good or not that I lost the clear picture of possibilities lying before me this entire time.

"I guess you’re right," I mumble, squeezing his fingers. "I was too narrow-minded to even consider everything that you just said."

Williams’ gentle smile turns brighter as he lets go of my hands. "That’s more like it. Be a little bit more positive and believe in yourself. Although, keep that touch with reality you have, and you’ll be good to go."

I mirror his smile. "Yeah, I’ll note that down. It’s just that, well, it’s a little scary to put myself out there and wait for someone’s reply."

"It is indeed terrifying. But just so you know, if it doesn’t work out, I’m here to support you. We can work through this together as a team."

Choking on my unsaid words, I give him a crooked smile. "Thank you so much, Doc. Your words mean a lot to me than you’d ever imagine."

"Hey now, I’m your best friend too aren’t I?"

I nod at him. "More than you’ll ever imagine."

"That makes me happy to hear. Now why don’t we practice some relaxation techniques and work on building your self-esteem even though you seem pretty confident enough? That way, you’ll feel more comfortable and prepared to take the risk when the time comes for you to confess."

"Okay. That sounds like a great plan," I take out my phone ready to jot down some pointers that might help settle my nerves if they ever decide to shoot up at the event during my confession.

By the time I’m done with therapy, I’m a whole new level of elevated. My thoughts are straight, and so is my resolve to confess to Lucas. I’ve never been more sure about a decision than I am right now, and it’s all thanks to this wonderful man before me—Doctor Williams.

I was worried for nothing when I first met him.

I’m pretty sure if Lucas hadn’t made us meet up before our first session, we would still have hit it off pretty well. Williams’ manner of speech and his demeanor make a person calm the moment they are in an enclosed space with him.

He’s just that good at his job.

Waving him goodbye, I decide to head home since it’s a Saturday and I have nothing else to do. Jerald, Mary, and I managed to go to the malls in town this morning and we purchased a few of the items we found online yesterday.

For the first time since knowing them, the siblings agreed on almost everything today. From Jeralds fit, both pants and blazer, to Mary’s slightly revealing sexy red gown, everything was just...flowing.

That is until I saw a pair of shimmering red heels and wanted to purchase them.

They ganged up on me and gave me a thirty-minute lecture on controlling my impulse buying even though they bought items I knew they wouldn’t be wearing anytime soon.

You’d think I was using their bank accounts or something with the way their throats almost ripped in half trying to stop me. In the end, I lost to them and decided against buying the heels.

But right now as I’m sitting in my car bored to the core, the thought of going back to the mall to purchase those beauties crosses my mind. So like the person with money I am, I turn on my car and exit the car park, heading straight to the mall with a satisfactory smirk on my lips.

I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when they see me wearing the red heels.

My phone vibrates in my purse, disturbing my diva moment as I park my car to the side. Flipping through the contents, I find it lying under the bag, with bits of my face powder dust on the screen.

I’llhavetowipethatlater.

Turning my phone on, I’m elated to see Lucas’ contact on top of my notification tabs. Without hesitating, I open the message, and my smile grows even wider.

LUCAS: Are you home yet? I need to talk to you.

Leaving him on grey tick for suspense, I giggle to myself.

Whatdoeshewanttotalkwithmeabout?

★★★★★

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by Aunomay Read